PARTY HATS ON : Westminster has gone into recess for the next three weeks. The decision to shutter the place is technically for party conference season, but really it’s because everything is going so well MPs are taking another well earned break to have some parties.
“Just look about you,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “Everywhere you look you can see the impact of sovereignty. Shops. Petrol stations. NHS. Dentists. Control of our borders. It’s amazing what we’ve achieved in just a few months since we got Brexit done.”
Of course it has been long established that nothing can stop a parliamentary recess.
“Recess is the toughest manmade substance known,” the source agrees. “You can’t stop it. It’s like a runaway freight train and it’s left the tracks and is headed for your house. Unlike a grocery delivery. Ha!”
Conferences will be a little different this year with MPs wondering who has got the virus.
“That’s why Tory MPs haven’t been wearing masks in the House of Commons. Forward planning. Let’s all get sick now. One big measles party. Get it over and done with and have at the canapes and champers!”
But there are some who think perhaps now is not the best time to go into recess?
“Look. Have aliens invaded? No? Well. Everything is going just fine. Let’s all get together and tell ourselves what a great job we’re doing, if you’re in the government. If you’re in the official opposition, what’s the point of being in parliament anyway? Whatever crazy idea the Tories have had since 2010 Labour goes along with it. Austerity? Check. Brexit? Check. More Brexit? Check check check. Pandemic forever? Sure, check, just pick about the edges. It’s completely baffling why the Tories continue to run the place ragged when the alternative agrees with them on all the biggest things.”
Perhaps that can be discussed at conference.