BREXIT IS AN EXPLOSIVE MIXTURE : 10 DOWNING STREET are not putting up with the relentless bad news headlines for a day longer.
Under plans worked up over a late night drinking session, rumoured to have involved several games of Twister, the Government has ordered the army to ease shortages by use of drones.
“The drones are sitting just about idle now we’re out of Afghanistan anyway,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “Why not put them to good use domestically?”
The scheme will involve trial runs initially with lucky householders receiving deliveries of soap and petrol direct to their front door.
“Imagine how your face will light up when you open the door and see the drone has dropped its load on your steps?” the source beams. “Once the trial has been deemed a success we will expand it to cover the entire country.”
The drones are expected to stop people driving to the supermarkets so often.
“This will conserve precious fuel supplies until the EU blockade on HGV drivers is eased,” the source advises. “And will have the added benefit of less footfall in supermarkets, thus less photos of empty shelves filling up social media. That’s bad for national morale. Something has to be done to encourage belief that Brexit is a success. So. Drones.”
It’s believed the airforce will also be thrilled to get involved as so far “everyone talks about the army helping out but no one ever mentions the RAF. That’s not good for morale. We’re going to do something about that too.”
But critics of the scheme have pointed out that if soap and petrol mix it could lead to some nasty accidents.
“That’s just the usual girly swots getting all worked up over nothing,” the source dismisses the concerns. “You’ll see it will be a bright day tomorrow when the payload lands. And besides, it can’t be half as dangerous as turning inadequately trained truckers loose in control of petrol tankers! Only a lunatic would do that.”