BOX TICKING EXERCISE : Leaky old Downing Street is in lockdown AGAIN after yet another leak revealed the draft ballot card for the inevitable 2nd EU referendum.
“This is a disaster bigger than Chris Grayling,” a Downing Street source exaggerated wildly, “we have to get the jump on Corbyn’s gang in backing another referendum. If they see this they might get the jump on us. Please don’t publish this story.”
The suspicion that May and her cabinet will back another referendum in the hope of settling Brexit has been growing within anyone really paying attention to how batshit insane and unsolvable Brexit is for some time.
”We’ll get there. It’s our only way out. It’s our only way to slam Labour, even though they don’t really need the help having decided to poison themselves with Brexit too,” the source fretted, “we need this confirmatory vote also, so we can properly blame the people for Brexit when they all start starving IF they’re nuts enough to fall twice for the same con.”
It’s not clear how Labour will react to the leak of the draft card, presumably badly, as they’ve agreed in private talks that if there is another vote the ballot card will offer a choice between “May’s Great Deal” and “Jobs First Brexit”.
”The timing is so important,” the source added, “May’s only really objective is to cling to power as long as possible while Philip keeps being a hedge fund manager. When she promises the next referendum it means she stays in power for months and months and months. That’ll just about crush Boris Johnson and the ERG.”
It must be stressed we are only printing what was leaked, we can’t validate this card as genuine. We actually expected both options on it to say ‘Brexit means Brexit’, so having a Remain option is a bit of a shock.
At any rate we know which box we’ll tick when the Downing Street tooth pulling stops and we get back into the ballot box.