POTUS Maximus Donald Trump is in the UK, but not for an official visit. Trump himself disclosed, via Twitter of course, that he has simply swapped places with Boris Johnson for a few days.
The statement from the Presidential Throne of State (a portable toilet made of pure gold) read thus:
“My good friend and soulmate Boris Johnson has not, as the Rigged Witch Hunt pretends, resigned. FAKE NEWS! He is in the White House. It’s a JOB EXCHANGE, folks! Boris makes a great POTUS, second only to Trump!”
The Orange Inflatable has promised to mimic Johnson’s style and work ethic. He will talk off-the-cuff nonsense and duck out of responsibility.
“I am doing foreign secretary stuff right now!” read another overexcited tweet. “Trump can make bigly US Trade Deals all by himself whatever the CROOKED DEMOCRATS and BITTER LEFTIES say!”
Theresa May, this week’s PM, welcomed the President. “Every Prime Minister needs a Trump,” she said, to a handpicked audience of lickspittles on a remote Scottish island in Scotland. “And every White House needs a Johnson. Donald brings the art of the deal – or no deal – to the table. This government welcomes his subtle and intelligent input.”
The potty POTUS agreed. “I believe that I am the best qualified person in the universe for this job! I am watching what is going on in Europe. It is sooooo simple to fix! Get out. Leave. Cut all ties It’s that simple. A yuge deal with the USA is happening soon. Great!”
LCD Views attempted to reach Boris Johnson by telephone. Expecting the relative calm of the Oval Office, in the background instead we heard what sounded suspiciously like a party involving champagne, lines of cocaine on naked rent boys, and a severed pig’s head. “Sorry, it’s a terrible line old boy,” came Johnson’s voice, and the line went dead.
Every Prime Minister needs a Trump, especially after stockpiling all those baked beans.