A leaked scan of Donald Trump’s brain has proven most enlightening in revealing how the most powerful man in America’s thought processes work.
Set on maximum magnification, the scan eventually revealed some small traces of brain, but more than that, every single cell in his brain was connected individually to his ego.
Exactly who leaked the scan has not been confirmed, although suspicions are rife among both his medical team and his White House colleagues.
Dr Nora Ollagist, noted brain expert, was available for comment:
“It’s unlike any human brain we’ve ever seen – which does support the claim made by some that he is in fact not human. For one thing it’s far too small, the image was pushed up to full magnification to get even that tiny dot. Moreover, in a normal human brain the ego is just a small part of it, whereas here it has a connection to every single brain cell, we checked and double-checked. This means that his every conscious or unconscious thought is channelled through his ego, meaning that he is incapable of saying or doing anything that is not entirely self-serving.”
Mr Trump himself had the following comment to make:
“This is fake news. Totally fake, the bigliest fake news you’ve ever seen. I have an anonymous – uh, anomalous – uh, really big brain. The biggest brain you’ll ever see. Really huge, you know? And besides, everything I do, say or think always makes the world a much better place. Much better. Better than Obama ever did, for sure.”
When challenged to produce medical evidence to back this up, Trump provided a child-like drawing of a head, labelled “the Donald’s bigly brain” in crayon.
The picture has been passed on to a team of medical experts. We will let you know their report when they finish laughing.