LCD Views has the scoop on the historic meeting of the cabinet at Chequers yesterday, after an insider phoned to tell us it was “just twelve hours of staring at a photo of Jeremy Corbyn and primal screaming.”
It seems the thinking behind the group therapy focus on the man some believe to be leading the official opposition was only the fear of “commies raiding their chests of tax dodging treasure” could get the squabbling cabinet of self serving maniacs to adopt the outward appearance of common cause.
”Now we have restored collective cabinet responsibility crashing out of the EU to asset strip the U.K. will be much easier.”
This is because the negotiations with the EU are very straightforward, whereas the last few years have shown that internal negotiations by the Tory cabinet are hardly the easiest deal in history.
”I don’t honestly know what we’d do without a disaster socialist sitting on his hands waiting for the entire country to become a dumpster fire?” the insider mused, “but having those old Trots on the flip side of the ideological coin to our disaster capitalists at this time has been immensely helpful.”
To ensue the results of the primal scream therapy stay effective changes were made to the screensavers on all cabinet minister’s confiscated mobile phones.
”Every time a Tory cabinet minister looks at his smart phone now he’ll see a screensaver of either Corbyn, McDonnell or Owen Jones. It will keep them rigidly in line.”
Gavin Williamson will be the exception though.
”We’ve put a photo of Putin on his phone. So little Gav can see the man who’s playing him like a fiddle day in and day out.”