A PERFECTLY NORMAL COUNTRY : 10 DOWNING STREET is said to have solved the problem of how to keep morale high post Christmas in post-Brexit Britain.
Speculation had been rife that once the 90 days of Christmas concludes with actual Christmas 2021 that the public may feel there isn’t a lot to look forward to, but there is.
“We’re going to save Easter next,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “There was a lot of debate in cabinet over which national holiday to focus on next with Mrs Johnson pushing for Valentine’s Day, but she was eventually over ruled by a collective vote by some foreign donors. So Easter it is.”
The battle to save Easter will begin before the battle to safe Christmas is concluded in order to make the endless struggle to salvage national holidays “seamless”.
“Easter needs Great Britain more than Great Britain needs Easter,” the source explains. “As soon as we fill the aisles of the country’s supermarkets with chocolate eggs the people of this great nation will see that everything is under control.”
Extending national holidays over many months has become a key plank of Brexit governance.
“There is some speculation that Christmas may need to become a year long festival that begins on the 1st of January and concludes on the 31st December. But that is a decision to be taken after we actually implement the Brexit people voted for. Currently our borders are pretty much open to smuggle in whatever goods you like, so we may get away with just a three month long affair like this year. Everything is normal. Look! Doors have wreaths on them in November!”
Quite what the nation’s major supermarkets think about having to start saving Easter before they’ve finished saving Christmas isn’t yet clear.
“They’ll do as they’re told,” the source shrugs, “or the Prime Minister will turn up to one of their annual meetings and give a speech. And no one needs that when they’re battling supply chain issues.”