STRONG AND STABLE SUCCESSION : DOWNING STREET has moved to quell concerns over the future of the Prime Minister today with a new law making the post hereditary.
The decision to keep the job of PM “in the family” by Mr Johnson is believed to have been prompted by speculation over his future as Prime Minister. Tory MPs are said to be restless after the stunning discovery that rampant, corrupt shithousery by Tory MPs is not exactly a vote winner.
“We thought we’d left the 1990’s far behind us,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “No one associates hardworking Tory MPs with sleaze anymore. Most of them work several jobs to show what good value they are to the corporate taxpayer. It’s a total shock. But this new law means that the polls can do what they like. As soon as they boot Johnson out another Johnson will be swinging in their faces.”
But critics of the move are said to be concerned it will not provide the promised stability but lead to “political bloodletting and squabbling over the crown not seen since 10th century Scotland.”
Mr Johnson is said to be unrepentant and anticipating being placed in the Lords by whichever of his children succeed him as PM.
“There will still be elections,” the source adds. “No one should worry about a further erosion of democratic standards in the UK. To guarantee the validity of future elections to the Commons, for non-hereditary MPs, we’re planning to make it legal to pay people to vote Tory. You’ll see our popularity remains sky high. It’s really just furthering the scheme which currently sees regeneration cash going predominately to Tory held areas.”
The post of PM’s dog was also expected to become hereditary until someone remembered they chopped Dylin’s nuts off because Mr Johnson was upset by the competition whenever it was time to shag a visitor’s legs.