IF A JOB’S WORTH DOING: Hard working MPs are to have yet another recess. With all the crises and scandals taking up their time, many MPs have fallen behind with their jobs on the side.
In Boris Johnson’s case, he will be spending the week sourcing a fridge large enough for the entire cabinet to hide in.
A case in point is Phil Thirich, MP for Croesus Central. He posted updates on his live blog feed.
“Another recess! Thank goodness the idiot Boris has finally decided to take the heat out of things,” he wrote. “My partners at Croesus Cash Cow Consultancy were anxious that I should fulfil my usual commitments. After all, at over £1,000 an hour, it’s a much better use of my time than sitting in Parliament listening to that dreadful snowflake Bryant. Not to mention having to memorise a new set of lies – I mean, lines – every few hours. It’s so tiring, when instead one can make a few calls, lunch, booze & shmooze, golf, dinner, and wrap up another few mill of business over brandy and cigars. That’s what puts caviar on the table, being an MP is just like a hobby, it helps me keep in touch with the right people, and the pocket money comes in handy of course.”
Thirich is right, of course. Obscene amounts of money don’t just earn themselves. Unless you are supposed to be procuring PPE or employed on a pay-per-policy basis.
We ordinary mortals must remember that our MPs have their own priorities. They cannot be expected to spend all their time voting to pump shit into the rivers on our behalf.
After all, given that so many of their constituents are obliged to work two or more jobs in order to make ends meet, it is only right that our representatives set a good example.