After Downing Street had announced earlier today that Boris Johnson was to have a ‘thought’ at some time during the day, a press conference was speedily arranged so that he could deliver his thought to a loyal and expectant crowd. Originally, the conference was to have been held outside Number Ten but it soon became apparent that the public was clamouring to be present in great numbers.
Speculation grew rapidly over what precisely the thought might be. Experts dismissed the idea that it was related to Strictly Come Dancing’s AJ Odudu’s performance last weekend, but some thought it might be whether Gareth Southgate would start Grealish against Hungary on Tuesday night, or play Foden as a roaming inside forward just behind Kane and Sterling. Southgate commented, ‘I’m in a quandary over this and if the PM can bring his expertise on a 3-4-1-2 formation, I for one would be delighted.’
As the crowds began to gather in Parliament Square, their ears pressed to their transistor radios, buses and taxis came to a standstill. Impromptu performances by Ed Sheeran and Gary Barlow did nothing to dampen the joyous mood. Kevin and Doris Pastie, both dressed head to foot in Union Jacks, were typical of the many Brits in attendance. ‘We’ve come all the way from Welwyn Garden City just to be here when Boris tells us his thought,’ said Kevin. Doris added, ‘It’s brought the country together, there’s people of all types here. I met someone from Aspatria. I asked him how long he’d been in England but I don’t think he’s learned the language yet!’
Despite being nearly an hour late, the PM received a rousing cheer when he appeared on the stage. A chorus of Rule Britannia echoed around Westminster and it was some minutes before Mr Johnson could be heard. The crowd impatiently hushed each other and, with enraptured faces, gazed at the PM.
‘Earlier today I had a thought,’ he began. ‘Unfortunately, it’s um a case of non cogito and it’s gone completely out of my head. Nil desperado, it’ll come back to me as, indeed, I hope you will ha ha.’ The tumultuous crowd roared its approval as the PM left the stage.
Slowly the happy crowd dispersed, leaving only a small boy holding a bedraggled flag. ‘What the fuck?’ he said.
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