TAKE IT : The United Kingdom government is to drive forward its agenda of governing solely for the satisfaction of elderly Farage fans, as a way of hiding robbing the state blind, by criminalising “being young”.
While the decision to outlaw being born in the 21st century has been expected for some time, criticisms have been levelled at the new overarching laws.
In particular Tory MPs appear to be concerned the new law doesn’t go far enough. To see that it does a group have formed called the “Youth Research Group” or YRG, who will do no actual research and be taxpayer funded for the privilege.
“We don’t have to do any research because we know it all already,” a spokesman for the YRG told LCD Views. “The young need to be given the certainty of their place in a rapidly changing world and know that the place is the 1930’s. Anyone who rebels can be sentenced to farm work, hospitality, haulage and so on. Anywhere there is a labour shortage.”
But all is not as it appears as there will be a range of exemptions for right thinking young people.
“Members of the Conservative Youth will be exempt from the new laws. This will help embed in them the divine right to rule so they can then punish the future generations of youth when they assume their rightful place in government.”
Clearly the law will not be a surprise to most as a brief examination of what has happened to the country since the weird as fuck nostalgia act that is Johnson’s premiership began.
“If you want to see where we will go next just examine any UKIP manifesto. That’s who we’re governing for and the rest of you can go swing. Go swing? There’s an idea.”
A round of applause will be held for the Brexiters and Lexiters who helped us arrive at this exciting new departure from reality as Johnson couldn’t have done it without them.
“The young are advised to join in the applause of the laws which criminalise them or they’ll be in the dock faster than you can pay for a banana in pre-decimal currency.”