PLEASE SIR MAY I HAVE SOME MORE : Fantastic news for social justice campaigners today with the discovery their work just got easier.
The reason for celebration is related to Prime Minister Boris Johnson shuffling the deckchairs on his personal Titanic yesterday. Many had expected the long anticipated flushing of the stools to have “zero to null” influence on the direction of UK governance because “Johnson is an autocrat who only puts subservient fools into high office to give the appearance of a democratic system of government”. Those critics are now attempting to get the finger out of their eye.
The most immediate and dramatic impact of the reshuffle is to do with the much spoken of “levelling up” agenda that Mr Johnson has promoted as his favourite slogan for the “time being”.
Food bank use immediately felt the impact of the butterfly flapping its wings in Westminster with national use dropping to levels not seen since Wednesday 15/09/21. It is also expected that the reshuffle will be the “pillow held over the face in front of the gun” when the planned cut in UC goes forward to encourage “exhausted people holding down several jobs in an increasingly predatory jobs market” to take on more work.
Mr Johnson will later address the country from the head of a banquet table to laugh heartily over his achievements. The public can expect to see soup and wine stains down the front of a “creased shirt worn to excite the keenest of observers”.
The task to level up the country won’t stop with yesterday’s triumph. With plans to drive forward in work poverty and charity use to levels not seen since “the darkest days of Dickensian Britain”. Ordinary folk are expected to applaud the reshuffle with a clap this evening.
“But not from your doorstep like the dark days of 2020,” a Downing Street source urges. “We’d like you to gather in crowded spaces for the clap in an attempt to get our national measles party over as soon as possible.”