THROW ANOTHER INDUSTRY ON THE BARBIE : BREXIT SUPERSTAR Liz Truss is so annoyed at the nil points awarded to Global Britain at the recent Eurovision that she is going to do something radical.
“She’s not going to sing, don’t worry,” an aide claiming to work for the trade Tsar told LCD Views. “Although she says if the Eurovision contest ever opens up a category for spoken word poetry she’ll be right in there. She has an extensive back catalogue of verse written to celebrate Brexit.”
But the one thing Liz Truss can do is take a lead from her boss. She can agree deals, publicise and celebrate them before decrying them as basically a con on the British people.
“It was incredibly underhand of the Australian trade negotiators to behave as they did,” the aide informs. “Liz Truss will publicly call out their dirty deeds and say she is not going to stand for it. The UK-AUS FTA must now include a commitment from the Australians to vote for the UK Eurovision entry in all future competitions. Assuming we’re still invited. Furthermore they must recant how they voted last weekend and demand their points go to the UK.”
The move to ensure the UK never again receives nil points, no matter how many Italian au pairs they incarcerate at the border, will be a great boost to the British farming community.
“When we’ve paid off our farmers and replaced them with hormone stuffed beef imported from the other side of the world they’ll be able to retire knowing that when they watch Eurovision they’re not going to see the country they love embarrassed.”
The BBC has been ordered to support Ms Truss in her efforts by making a new documentary focused on Ms Truss’s efforts called “A Very British Sell Out”.