Old friends can be relied upon in times of trouble and strife. This much is evident to all. Most also are aware that there is no time more riven with strife than when a younger wife, mistress, girlfriend, escort or favoured bordello owner wishes your opinion on new wallpaper.
We as a nation can be grateful that our Prime Minister has a diverse selection of friends to call upon when he is in need. Whether it’s for a foreign holiday in Mustique or Tuscany, or matters of decor. No need for assistance in decorum, he has that nailed down in a way no one could ever improve on.
He was in great need recently when his latest fiancée wished to wipe away the stale odour that Mr Johnson’s predecessor left at No. 11 Downing Street.
Can you imagine yourself Mr Johnson? You already have a full diary each and every day. You must rise at noon to attend to your hangover. You have to have a hangover or you will be wanting for arts and crafts supplies. You have to have a plentiful supply of said materials or how else will you relax after you attend to grave matters of state? That one hour each day takes a mighty toll.
How would you feel when you move from No. 10 to No. 11 after that arduous hour of governance only to find your current lady standing with a monumental collection of wallpaper samples? And she is nobody’s fool. She has positioned herself between you and the fridge with the champagne.
The situation is even worse when you see the price tag attached to those Topkai harem styled wall papers. How will you pay for such lavishness on just a Prime Minister’s salary? Have you not already sacrificed enough?
Here is when a friend, a true companion will come to your aide. They will offer to cover the cost of the refurbishment so you can attend to graver matters, like wondering what Dom is doing?
It is to be cheered that Mr Johnson had a ready friend in his time of need. The woke will never be happy. They want no one to have friends. We can just pray that David Cameron was the friend who paid the £60K, for no reason greater than to help, with no thought to benefit for himself.
That would be perfect indeed, no matter how unlikely.