LCD Views can report live from the scene of the Brexit stand off today with a SHOCK exclusive that Brexit has begun drinking its own wee.
“Late last night as journalists begun tweeting about yet another possible breakthrough in negotiations regarding fantasy versions of a customs union, and completely ignoring the issue of the single market, so not changing anything at all, so still being completely f*cking useless and still ending FOM to keep a small wedge of racist voters happy, one of the hostages managed to get a note out detailing conditions inside the bank basement where Brexit is keeping nearly 70M people hostage.”
It seems conditions have deteriorated so far now that Brexit has begun drinking its own wee.
“We’re not sure if it’s out of the spiral of madness or because Brexit just likes the taste,” our correspondent corresponds, “there are also rumours that the water supply to the basement has been cut off, but again the situation is unclear. Was it cut off to try and force Brexit out and end the hostage situation? Or was it cut off because of a burst water main due to the utility having been privatised and purposefully underfunded for years because the private owners will be unaffected by loss of water?”
What is clear is that Brexit’s smash and grab hostage situation isn’t going to plan.
“This was supposed to be a smash and grab. Get a massive majority in the June 2017 election and then just crash out. Hold a gun to everyone’s head. As no one, business or government, will have had sufficient time to work up contingencies. You’ll have to deal with Brexit. But now?”
Now, it seems after the wee drinking the next stage is a mighty shit sandwich, consumed in a basement no one can get out of, with Brexit blaming the hostages for the taste even though it was Brexit that buttered the bread in the first place.