LCD Views reports today with a complete absence of shock that the celebrated British patriot, Will of the people, has been found floating face down in the Thames by the Palace of Westminster, central London.
”Shortly before 6am this morning concerned and sharp eyed members of the public alerted the emergency services,” a Met spokesman told us on the record, and later on CD and cassette, blue-ray and MP3, “after sighting a bloated, corrupt, shimmering shape floating in the River Thames, near to the houses of parliament.”
While initially there was little concern, as many similar shapes have been witnessed floating past Westminster for several years now, it was soon apparent all was not well.
”We are accustomed to fishing out fudgebergs from the Thames,” the spokesman continued,
“and it is accurate that our water born services were slower than usual to respond, thinking the object was likely a Downing Street press release regarding the so called Chequers agreement,
“Or a Labour six point test bubble of extreme cynicism treating the electorate en masse as idiots, or even, Farron and Cable attempting to explain while they decided to go to the pub early rather than vote against the government last night.”
But it was none of these things?
“However as a search and rescue vessel drew slowly alongside the object it was revealed to be noted con man, and powerful political magician, Will of the people.”
Are the police treating the death as suspicious?
”Numerous serving, and recently ex cabinet ministers, have issued statements already claiming the death was clearly suicide,” the spokesman said,
“but it is very likely murder most foul and we urge everyone to lobby the living hell out of their MP to force the authorities to declare the ill gotten gains of the culprits void and to drag said culprits before any relevant court of law.”