There has been controversy for some time surrounding Donald Trump’s imminent first UK visit since assuming office. However, his own latest announcement might be topping them all.
He has now officially announced that he is going to record an album of Beatles songs in time for his arrival on British soil.
“They call The Beatles the Fab Four,” he said when announcing it. “But how fab are they really? They’re not as fab as the Donald. So I see it as my duty to do their songs the way they should have been done in the first place. It’ll be great. You’ll love them.”
Meaning he’s going to change them a bit.
The tracklisting includes “I Want To Hold Your Pussy”, “You Love Me, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah” and “The Long And Winding Wall”.
The actual musical content has yet to be heard by the public, although rumour has it William Shatner is anticipating being let off the hook for his unique interpretation of “Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds” on the grounds that it will no longer be the worst Beatles cover in the known universe.
Interviewed in response to this, Paul McCartney told the assembled press:
“Normally I’m fairly OK with people covering our songs – I know people like to mythologise the whole Beatles catalogue, and yeah, there’s been a few dodgy covers, but there’s been some great ones too, and I’m all for that – The Beatles started out covering rock & roll songs after all. But the thought of this just makes my blood boil.”
Sir Paul will be donating any royalties he receives from this to Amnesty International to help them restore the children imprisoned by Trump to the bosom of their families. His fellow surviving Beatle Ringo Starr has pledged to do the same thing, as have Yoko Ono and Olivia Harrison, the widows of their deceased bandmates.
But the most striking response came in the form of an earthquake. Immediately after Trump made his initial announcement, the ground shook very markedly. Seismologists have traced the origins of the quake to New York, an area not generally known for quakes, but indisputably the epicentre of this one. They were able to trace it more precisely than most, as it turned out that the origin of this quake was the Strawberry Fields Memorial in Central Park, the site where the ashes of John Lennon were scattered.
Copies of ‘A Hard Day’s Tweet’ will be in all good record shops tomorrow.