A local woman is being sought in connection with the alleged, attempted sale of British assets to overseas buyers.
”Anyone with a fat pocket book seems to be the target,” a source inside Scotland Paddock told us, “apparently the idea is to flog off well known landmarks to gullible new money from abroad.”
Shipping was apparently included in the offer, although re-assembly would have been required on the receiving end.
”Only pavement delivery was on offer,” our insider adds, “although quite what your neighbours are going to think when a van drops off Tower Bridge in crates and speeds away without a signature is anyone’s guess.”
Although the chancer hasn’t yet pulled off the con, it’s believed they will keep trying until apprehended.
”There’s rumours that the Elizabeth Tower, which houses Big Ben, has actually been flogged off already.”
That would explain why the scaffolding hasn’t come down yet from the famous bell tower?
”Yes. My team is currently scouring the latest updates to Google Earth to see if we can spot it. We’ve also asked the International Space Station to keep a look out. To pay especial attention to mini golf courses owned by Donald Trump’s complex web of businesses to see if any new and startling features rise up and go bong.”
Police are asking all members of the public to be vigilant until a suspect has been apprehended.
But why try and pull off such a daring sale of U.K. plc assets like this?
”Addiction most likely. They’re saying they’re raising money for a family member’s operation. But my suspicion would be an addiction to a junk so powerful, once it’s in your bloodstream only intervention by 65M people can cure it.”
What drug is it?
”Power. It tends to make some people crazy and they don’t care who gets hurt when they’re high.”