Prime Minister Theresa may has ordered NHS execs to look at ways of recycling amputated limbs and discarded organs to help slash NHS catering costs head of her recently announced $20 billion funding boost.
“It’s only right and perfectly proper that we look at ways of turning a waste product, which we have to pay to dispose of, into a valuable source of protein,” she said.
Mrs May explained that the idea had come to her after reading about the American man who, after losing a foot in a motorcycle accident, took his amputated limb home and served it to his friends sautéed in tacos.
“The most innovative healthcare initiatives are all coming from the US, and after Brexit we will be free to adopt any we choose, with no need to foot the bill” she punned, explaining that current European legislation is also preventing UK hospital kitchens from importing any of the thousands of unwanted migrant children currently being held in warehouses on the Texas border.
“Modest proposals like this, swiftly implemented, could save the NHS tens of millions, she cooed, with a smile like a cracked teacup in a blocked sink.
Commenting on the proposal Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt concurred that the newly announced post-Brexit dividend is expected to leave hospitals with plenty of limbs of recycle.
“We’re eagerly anticipating a boom in lower limb amputations as 17 million Leave voters realise they’ve shot themselves in the foot,” he explained pointing out that in future he won’t be the only person in the NHS opening his mouth and putting his foot in it.
“Or indeed anyone else’s,” he chortled.
“I voted to kick out scrounging foreigners and put more money in my pocket, not to destroy the entire economy and privatise the NHS,” complained a recent NHS “protein donor”, social-media Brexit troll Michael Taylor.
“But I’ve shot myself in the foot, and now I don’t have a leg to stand on,” he wailed, angrily brandishing a home made crutch in the air and collapsing sideways.
However some in the Leave camp have welcomed the news, with pro-Brexit pub chain, Widdershins announcing that it intends to bid for the planned new “NHS AMP” catering contract
“Just hand over the goods and we’ll turn them into whatever you want – liver casserole, devilled kidneys, a tasty Thai, Lady Finger curry – or indeed any type of finger food , all served with a selection of garnishes,” confirmed Widdershins boss, Tim Widdershins, licking his lips.