A woman is to spend the next few days working out whether or not she can get away with breaking promises made to her lawyer.
”It’s a bit sticky, isn’t it?” the toilet roll holder in her office told us, “I’m spinning around and around in anticipation.”
In anticipation of spending a lot of time with one person in particular, hiding in here with you?
”Yes. I’m screwed to the wall in the 10 Downing Street WC. This means in times of crisis people tend to hide out inside with me, sometimes for hours or days at a time.”
But why would the woman even consider breaking promises to her lawyer?
”Because it’s either break them to him or break them to a bunch of swivel eyed idiots who have no genuine understanding of how international trade works, or the life and death nature of the Irish Border problem and who seem willing to watch the U.K. descend into anarchy for their feverish, ideological nightmare to become reality.”
Well, it’s either the lawyer or she breaks her promises, made in clammy palmed moments, to the swivel eyed idiots? Oh, and some creationists.
”That’s where you’re wrong. She needs to break her promises to everyone while seeming to break them to none.”
Ah. Fudgberg.
”It’s pretty much the entire governing policy of the United Kingdom now. That and ruining the lives of poor and vulnerable people.”
This doesn’t sound like a very sensible way to manage a country.
”You only say that because you don’t understand how vitally important it is that the woman stays prime minister. And furthermore how important it is that her party stays in power. That’s really all that matters to her and her party. Even if she’s just the fall guy.”
But surely the future of the country is more important? Not lying is important?
”If all that was so important there’s a man who would be fighting Brexit tooth and nail, who isn’t, who’s actually helping it.”
Now I’m confused. Dominic Grieve is fighting Brexit tooth and nail, he’s backing and backing May into the corner she’s painted for herself.
”Not that man. The other one. The one holding a party on the weekend to celebrate how great he is at a time of national crisis.”
Are we completely screwed?
”No. Reality is on our side. And time still. Remember, whatever parliament does it can undo.”
So long as it doesn’t drive us over a cliff.
”True. But just sit tight and keep at it. She’s going to have to break a promise to someone next few days and when she does the proverbial is going to hit the fan.”