LCD Views is proud to announce today that in partnership with WTACTUALF Press we have launched a handy new picture book to explain the lifecycle of a stubborn domestic pest infecting our politics.
“It’s the Mikey Takethe Mikey Goveoverus,” Gary, author of the book explains at a star studded launch this morning in Mayfair attended by all of the MSM. Well some of it. Okay. None of it. And it wasn’t in Mayfair.
“It’s to be found in most homes most days,” Gary says, “most domestic pests generally enter through gaps in the skirting boards or the flooring, maybe a window or door left open, but the Mikey gets in through both the television and any functioning radio left on too long.
They are spawned by the people of Surrey Heath who perplexingly keep creating the perfect breeding conditions. From there it spreads across the entirety of the United Kingdom.”
While the latin name is rather long, the common name is just Gove.
“It’s more pernicious than ash dieback, the grey squirrel, those little crayfish in the Thames or even crabs,” Gary adds, “its chief damage is caused through lying and a sociopathic self-interest which leads to a rot in democratic accountability. It’s very pernicious. Very good at spawning itself anew. If its favoured food source is unavailable it will often feed off a very common food source found all over, the Murdoch press (not a tree, but too many have died for it) until it’s ready to breed again.”
But what to do about it?
“Well once Gove gets passed the cocoon stage to the flying monkey from Wizard of Oz it’s severe and hard to treat. The best bet is to not vote for it again when it is in the larval stage.
Once at the flying monkey stage it will choose a larger host to lay its eggs in, like a governing cabinet or a Boris Johnson and then we’re really in for it for four or five years until the lifecycle runs its course again.”
Are there any steps that can be taken by ordinary people to prevent its spread?
“Yes. You could try going to Surrey Heath and asking them wtf they are thinking the next time a general election is called. Probably as soon as June or July.”
The picture book is free with all editions of LCD Views and won’t be found at newsagents or off licenses, but at all good Facebook, Twitter and a web outlet. Together we can take back control and eradicate this invasive pest from our politics. We can do it.