The brightest and the best of British politics are to meet tomorrow to decide on the preferred option to put to the European Union again for new, post Brexit customs arrangements, having been separated into working groups to decide on options already rejected by the largest trading bloc on Earth. Because that’s how Global Britain rolls.
”I favour a great big whoosh!” said state funded economic arse-onist, Boris Johnson, “bally big fire! Forget the popcorn, bring the marshmallows!”
And while he appears to bafflingly have considerable support amongst colleagues for the ‘just set fire to the world and watch it all burn’ customs arrangements, some of his peers aren’t signed up to his plan.
“Surely we’d be better off putting the pedal to the medal and slamming the economy into the nearest tree?” Ms May, nominal head of the teams asked, “you know, use the technology available. Internal combustion engine, four wheels and a tree? Not everyone will go through the windscreen, surely?”
It’s uncertain which option will be chosen, it’s also highly possible no option will be chosen and the decision delayed again just so Ms May can continue pretending she’s the one making decisions, that she never makes.
Which is par for course for a micro-managing control freak confronted with a big picture decision with more variables than is psychologically safe for her to consider at once.
We asked the European Union what they thought of the tree or flaming zeppelin proposals for post Brexit cross border trade?
”We’ve already said no to both,” a boring foreign chap in a suit droned on relentlessly in a pragmatic way that is just putting everyone in political power in the U.K. to sleep.
So let’s not listen to them. If only they would stop ears dropping on our news and media, it’d all be so much easier. We don’t bother to learn their languages because we’re superior. What right have they to learn ours? They’re just jealous of our exceptionalism.
And all these rules based systems so people don’t destroy industries that take decades of investment and commitment to nuture? Yawn.
We next asked if perhaps the people of the United Kingdom should be tasked with deciding between slamming at full speed into a tree or falling burning and screaming to the ground in terror, or perhaps not doing either?
But John Humphrys phoned us up and shouted like the blinkered, comfortably biased old timer he now is that the PEOPLE HAD A VOTE. Past tense on the democratic front.
It’s all rather confusing. This is because the decisions about our future are being predicated on what keeps a couple of dozen f*ckwits in power a little longer and not what is best for the country. Better get the marshmallows. Or strap yourself in. Take your pick?