A political scientist has discovered an alternative dimension where even Ed Milliband has already kicked the Tories out of office.
”I was searching for a new way to slice bread,” Professor Harry Ope told LCD Views, “I got stoned out of my box and put my toaster into the microwave with a cup of tequila, an unsliced loaf of bread and a rubix cube. Then I hit defrost and waited.”
Professor Ope said at first there was nothing unusual.
“Just the standard blue arcs of electricity flashing inside the microwave. It seemed to go on for hours, but that was just the pot stretching time. In reality it took seconds.
Once the microwave filled with smoke I stopped the experiment and opened the door. There was no danger. I was wearing one oven glove.”
The professor explained that he expected to find a charred and molten mess, which has been the result each time he has run the experiment, and he would use the pattern of charring on the bread to determine if a different type of dough was required before trying again.
“What I saw was astounding. Inside the microwave a portal to an alternative dimension had opened. It was flickering like an old cinema screen. The view was black and white, but it was clear.”
The Professor said there was also, “a time stamp on the view which showed the date as the 24th December 2017.”
It seems in this dimension the Jeremy Corbyn resigned after failing to win the June general election. To everyone’s surprise Ed Milliband had been returned as Labour Party leader, after Momentum members put him on the leadership ballot as a joke, but he went all the way again.
“He immediately went anti-Brexit, as demanded if respecting the overwhelming views of the Labour Party membership.
This caused so much disarray in the governing Conservative DUP demand and supply bung bought deal, because May couldn’t rely on Ed Miliband whipping his MPs to vote through Tory Brexit, that Theresa May was deposed in a vote of no confidence, after the DUP removed their support and the Tories were unable to govern.”
So is Brexit still happening in this alternative dimension?
“Don’t be silly. It’s in the trash can of history along with the racism that was in its blood.”
So no negative impacts?
“Nigel Farage is now Director General of the BBC, but that’s already happened in our dimension, so no, it’s otherwise a better place to be.
A modern Britain where people are sweeping up the mess and actually funding public services again.
And the most surprising thing is that EU rules don’t stop you carrying forward socialist projects and the nasal warrior has already started bringing the railways back into public ownership.”