Negotiations have begun between Arlene Foster of the DUP and a company in the EU to build a seamless wall on the Northern Ireland border.
“We don’t want to say to much about this initiative,” said Foster, “as I am still trying to solve the wood pellet problem I caused last year.”
The estimate for the wood pellet overspend is rumoured to be approximately £500m. Foster is confident that she and the DUP can recoup these funds with the new wall.
“We want it to be as high as Trump’s Mexican wall. We don’t want those Irish speaking Mexicans coming up from Dublin to pollute our Presbyterian Protestant heritage,” she said.
Could you tell LCD Views how you plan to build a seamless wall so cheaply?
“We will call upon every family household who voted Brexit to help us, and if we run out, we can now make a call to Denmark for further help. We know that there are many many boxes of Lego going unused. Bricks of Lego stored in cupboards, in lofts and attics all across the country.”
“The DUP head office were contacted by a Mr O’Halloran of Portrush to say he had just stepped on another brick of ‘effing’ Lego for the ‘umpteenth effing’ time, and whilst hopping in pain, phoned us to offer all of his son’s Lego to the seamless wall project.”
But how will this wall be seamless, LCD Views asked.
“Can you spot the join once two Lego bricks are joined together?” asked Arlene. “We’ll make an enormous saving on cement and mortar and we can use the different brick colours to create a camouflage design to keep those hippy environmentalists happy.”
Children are grief stricken at the thought that the Lego version of The Millennium Falcon that took the whole of the Christmas week to build, are to be broken apart in order to build a wall on the island of Ireland.
“I don’t care if children cry,” Arlene reassured, “wait until they run into my wall. Then they damn well have something to cry about!”