The United Kingdom’s new Foreign Secretary, Jeremy Hunt (MP for Real Estate), has been forced to deny planning to buy luxury flats off alleged US-Russian mafia bagman Donald Trump in a ceremony planned for this Friday.
”So what if he is?” an aide to the UK’s new international face told LCD Views, “if a man can’t leverage his position to prepare for a life outside of public office, what’s the point of being a taxpayer paid leader?”
Good questions.
The Friday 13th ceremony is to be held on a rocky promontory that hits out from one of Trump’s numerous Scottish golf courses.
”They’ll both be fancy dressed for the occasion,” the aide reveals, “Jeremy in an old world costume fitting for the ceremony and Donald in fetching 40’s military garb.”
During the sale and purchase a magical box will be opened that holds the plans, and keys, to numerous high spec flats which are under construction in North Korea by the Trump foundation.
”There ceremony is bound to be very impressive. Sound and light Fx will be used to give it some dazzle and a lot of military will be present.”
The military will be a new private security force that President Trump has hired as a personal bodyguard.
Accusations that spectators will be bussed in to make it look more impressive have been denied.
”Oh no, they’ll be brought in at gun point.”
Anyone attending is requested to try and remember the moment in vivid detail, because it’s likely Mr Hunt will forget the purchase of the flats almost immediately.
”But whatever you do, don’t look at the actual ceremony,” you’re advised, “or you’re face will melt off.”