THE LIES HAVE IT THE LIES HAVE IT : THE UK’S world beating Prime Minister Boris Johnson is to call a snap general election this weekend to revive his sinking fortunes.
The timing of the next GE is thought to have been a hot topic inside the palace at 10 Downing Street as the ruling couple’s hold on power daily appears more tenuous. Photo shoots in hi-vis vests and ruffled hair will only get you so far as inflation bites and corruption scandals daily fill the papers. A much bigger distraction is now called for.
“A general election will sort it all out,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “Mr Johnson can sell ice to eskimos. He can’t do anything else. He could sell coal to Newcastle. But he can’t do anything else. So he’s got to get back on the campaign trail and sell something. Otherwise the megatsunami of crap he’s called down from the heavens may sweep him away. And where would the country be then?”
It’s expected the decision to go to the polls will be welcomed by the Tory Party’s MPs.
“The next GE must happen before the opposition parties work out that by working together they can crush us. 2024 is too far away. There will be far too much damage from Brexit and over a decade of misrule by then. But if we go now we can pull it off. Then we can blame all the problems on the last government. It’s genius.”
Of course a fresh general election means a fresh manifesto.
“The manifesto we won on 2019 is all played out. We’ve already broken all those promises. Slashing the HS2 in the north and dismantling pensions protections this week has crossed the last tasks off the to do list. But a new manifesto will give us new promises to break. And that’s where Mr Johnson excels.”