24/7 BOGOFF SALE : The Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, Boris Johnson, is known to be under a lot of financial pressure, although that doesn’t make him a security risk. It does mean he’s forever seeking new revenue streams to top up the paltry package awarded a serving Prime Minister.
Rumours in the Westminster village say Mr Johnson has decided to follow his idol Nigel Farage and charge fans for videograms.
“It makes sense in the context of the ongoing corruption scandal engulfing his government,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “Mr Johnson can claim all the donations from foreign sources are legit if something is given in return. That way everyone has to stop asking what the donation bought. It’s a masterstroke which will revolutionise perceptions of corruption in UK governance.”
The decision to enter the personal message field is also neat in terms of following in the footsteps of Mr Farage, who has been flogging his wares for months to anyone willing to spend a penny.
“Nigel wrote the policy manifold that is determining the entire direction of the United Kingdom, why not take another leaf out of his book and post some messages?”
And receiving a personal message from the Prime Minister is cheaper than you would expect.
“Just £50 will get you a minute of Mr Johnson’s time. If you think some garbled references to half remembered classical passages will light up the life of someone you care about just head over to Griftgram and have your bank card ready.”
There will be a platinum level too.
“£50 is just for the plebs. £3m will get you not only a personal message but a peerage.”