JOLLY GOOD SHOW MY DEAR OLD THING will be a relic of the past, if Reform gets their way. They want to completely redefine British Values in their own image.
Most people believe that British Values have something to do with being relentlessly polite. Being modest in victory and gracious in defeat. Shaking hands and using old-fashioned phrases like ‘Spiffing, my dear fellow’ or ‘Rather, old bean’. A pat on the back and cups of tea all round.
Reform disagree. Reform love to use the phrase ‘British Values’. It is a suitable shorthand for ‘This is what we believe, therefore everyone else should believe it too’. It is a cover for all their unpleasant and frankly unBritish views. Reform spokesWeeble ‘Lacquer’ Grace Noates explained further.
“British Values means British Values,” clarified Lacquer Grace. “British Values is really our promise to put Common Sense and The Voice Of The Silent Majority into law.”
But what are these British Values, and how have Reform identified them and defined them?
“Do your own research!” shouted Lacquer Grace when confronted with this horribly biased and unnecessary question.
Lacquer Grace may not have been very forthcoming, but plenty of disgruntled ex-Reform councillors were happy to fill in the gaps.
“Flags, flags, and more fucking flags,” said Marcin Ordersz, who was kicked out of the party after someone discovered that he was Polish. “Shouting at anything, and anybody. Refusing to accept reality. Sulking and whining whenever they get a reality check. Redefining the word ‘woke’ as the worst kind of insult possible. I could go on.”
And he did, not forgetting to include ‘talking so much that nobody else can get a word in’. We left him to his angry rant, now directed at a hotel full of his compatriots.
Also included: owning your own propaganda channel, and being absolutely fine with exchanging large amounts of cash in brown envelopes.