REAL MEN DON’T LOOK AT EXPLOSIONS : WORLD LEADING PRIME MINISTER BORIS JOHNSON is reported to be in a state of “shock” today after the discovery that famous Brexity Kent has gone missing.
Reports that Sue Gray was last seen in the English province and the entire place has been “disappeared” by aliens as a result have been dismissed as “heresay”.
Kent has been most determinedly visible ever since Nigel Farage first discovered and then colonised large swathes of it in the early 1930’s, but no one expected it to vanish just like his relevance.
“Exactly where Kent has gone will be determined by the inquiry in the fullness of time,” a 10 Downing Street spokesdroid said. “There is nothing to worry about. Clearly suggestions it was discovered that Kent is entirely composed of hydrocarbons and it’s been thrown onto a fire to generate much needed energy are exaggerated.”
While Downing Street maybe slow to discover where Kent has gone there are reports in the EU27 press though that state it has either “eloped with Norwich and moved into a villa on the Costa del Sol” or “sought asylum in Dover”.
When pressed the spokesdroid did give a hint as to Downing Street’s thinking if Kent is discovered to have sought asylum in Dover.
“Next stop Rwanda. Kent is actually being very forward thinking in that respect. Because once we finish dehumanising and deporting undesirables who derive externally to the UK, we will turn our attention to the unwanted indigenous thought criminals.”
Anyone seeing Kent is encouraged to report them to the nearest police station, assuming the station wasn’t sold off for luxury housing during the wise age of austerity.