Boris Johnson to claim asylum in Ukraine

THE ASYLUM HAS TAKEN OVER THE LUNATICS: With his unpopularity at an all time high, Boris Johnson is on the lookout for an exit strategy. A good one. One that allows him to leave his disastrous term as Prime Minister behind, without the ignominy of resigning. 

The war in Ukraine, triggered right on cue by his psycho pal Putin, offered him an opportunity. The world’s spotlight is on Eastern Europe, conveniently close to Russia, and far enough away so that only the most sycophantic media can be bothered with him. 

Here, a simple walkabout in the deserted streets of Kyiv with today’s hero Volodymyr Zelensky, was just what Johnson was looking for. Publicity shots over, media bootlickers safely barricaded in their hotel rooms getting wasted on bootleg vodka, here was his big chance. 

Nobody knows exactly what passed between the two men in the presidential bunker. Certainly not Johnson, whose memory and mouth are in no way connected. Zelensky was not revealing anything, either, although his stony demeanour indicated something extremely unpleasant. 

Most reliable reports, or at least, the least unreliable ones, suggest that Johnson intended to claim asylum in Ukraine. And Zelensky, who wished Johnson a million miles away, was unable to refuse. 

Johnson will be able to hide in a whole country, instead of the traditional walk-in fridge. From this safe vantage point he will be able to watch the UK crash and burn, without being there when it happens. His loyal army of social media bots (paid for by Putin) will be able to assert that this only happened because of Johnson’s absence. 

In a sense this might be true. The crashing and burning would happen much faster with Johnson in charge. 

And when the whole sorry business is over, he can call Uncle Vlad to rescue him, his work done. 

And then Putin can send him to the gulags. 

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