Jacob Rees-Mogg to be Minister for Waiting for 50 Years for Brexit Benefits

ALL THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT: Fifty years is not a long time. Ask the dinosaurs. They are really feeling the benefits of that asteroid now.

The dinosaurs in Downing Street have little of this subtlety. Parliament’s little joke on itself, Jacob Rees-Mogg, naturally assumes that the rest of the world remembers the Regency Period like he does. Another mere fifty years means nothing to members of the Undead.

Rees-Mogg is already in charge of governmental periwigs and blunderbusses. His new role will sit nicely alongside his current job as Witchfinder-General and Chief Enabler Of Governmental Efficient Embezzlement.

It’s a responsibility which Rees-Mogg will be able to discharge without lifting a finger. For this, he will be richly rewarded. This is how life is, huge benefits for doing precisely sod all. There is a nice rule of inverse accountability happening here. The less you actually contribute, the more you earn, and vice versa. This applies equally to the lower orders, who must work their fingers to the bone simply in order to be permitted to survive. Meanwhile, Rees-Mogg pockets your meagre wages on your behalf.

Rees-Mogg once claimed that it would take fifty years for the Brexit Benefits to become apparent. However, he is now a living contradiction since his new role is the first genuine Brexit Benefit to become apparent.

Oddly enough, the Clandestine Brexit Opportunities Commander job, advertised so long ago has still not been filled. Maybe only one so thoroughly steeped in hypocrisy and doublespeak as Rees-Mogg could actually survive in the job without exploding under the strain of the paradox.

Fifty years is no time. An enterprising individual could be born, schooled, married, have a career, have children, and be three quarters of the way to a peaceful retirement in that time. Think of Brexit as the birth, and your pension as the benefits.

So long as the Tory government hasn’t raided your pension fund while you were getting on with life.

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