THE FESTERING SEASON : Global Britain’s most powerful political brain is to take a “step back” from front line politics to focus on his Tory Party leadership challenge.
Speculation has been building for some time over who will replace failed Prime Minister Boris Johnson, with most commentators proving themselves not up to the task of forecasting.
Highly paid MSM buffoons have pinned Brexit Superwoman Liz Truss as the likely successor, but what do they know?
“It’s clear Britain is crying out for a Spartan to lead the country after Boris Johnson delivered a botched Brexit which allowed the EU to continue existing,” a source close to the Mark “rehabilitated after hiding for months for a mysterious reason” Francois told LCD Views.
How the smallest man in Parliament is still in Parliament is a problem for future generations to solve, what is important now is when Mr Francois strikes the killing blow.
“It’s likely Mark will make his move after finishing a box set of ‘Dad’s Army’ on Boxing Day,” the source advises. “Boris Johnson will not see it coming. He will be hiding behind his desk watching the door for Raab, Truss or Patel to storm in when he will see nothing but the door being pushed ajar. Mr Francois’ tiny stature means he will walk in under the PM’s eye line.”
It’s not yet known who Mr Francois will choose to serve in his first cabinet, but allies are hopeful he will pick a range of British grown potatoes and turnips, so he doesn’t feel intellectually overshadowed.
“The EU doesn’t know what is coming down the line. It’s the fist of fury with Elgar playing and it’s holding a stick of willow covered in red cherries. Mark once spent a weekend in the Territorials cleaning lavatories with a toothbrush after being wedgied. Every moment of Mark’s life has been building to this one turning point in history. He will restore the pride Mr Johnson has squandered in the famous British sense of humour.”