LISTING TO PORT : Downing Street has moved to get ahead of the latest “party party party” leaks aimed at politically destroying Boris Johnson, now that he has served his time as front man and been moved to the new category of “sacrificial boar”, in order to make way for the premiership of Jeremy Hunt.
“The rules allowed for games of Twister with multiple households,” a 10 Downing Street spokesperson said, although they wouldn’t show their face. Presumably because of the entirely foreseeable end to Allegra Stratton’s career and reputation. “The Prime Minister and his friends adhered to the rules at all times by being completely plastered on donated Bollinger before the game commenced.”
The news that games of Twister with multiple households were in the pandemic rulebook for Christmas 2020 will come as a surprise to many. But only until they understand that for Britain’s ruling political elite the rules can be rewritten and applied retrospectively to excuse “perfectly acceptable indiscretions, double standards and blatant hypocrisy”.
Whether or not the clarity will protect the beleaguered Prime Minister remains to be seen with consistent polling now screaming he is “stuffed”.
“We can expect any number of slow witted Tory MPs to now tweet in support of the Prime Minister and what is said to have been a bally good time rolling around with the fillies between colourful circles on the floor,” the spokesperson added. “Even if hundreds of people were dying daily because the same MPs could not be bothered to fulfil the most important responsibility of being a representative. It’s the peoples’ fault. The signs that the government wasn’t going to protect them when profits were there to be made were visible from the start. It’s all about personal responsibility.”
Although the criticism will come thick and fast over the content of the latest leaks, people are asked to pause for a moment and consider the choice of Twister was sound, given that Mr Johnson has been labelled “a shape shifting truth twister”.
More leaks are anticipated until Mr Johnson finally gets the message and fucks off.