TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN : The ruling CONservative Party has hit a rough patch with the public in recent weeks, although that is largely the fault of the global supply chain crisis driving inflation, and not Brexit or corruption or the economic illiteracy driving their deadly pandemic response.
Happily the GRG – Grift Research Group – has come up with a policy so popular the polls will be surging up like the tides of untreated sewage all around the UK.
“We’re going to resign if we can’t keep our second jobs,” Pig Trough, MP for Lobbying, told LCD Views. “Because if we can’t keep our second jobs we can’t keep our third, fourth, fifth or six jobs. It’s a bit rum. One does not come into public service to serve the public. The public are intensely unreasonable. Have you seen the way they carry on? You can’t help those who won’t help themselves. We show them how to help themselves by helping ourselves to everything we can. We should be thanked for making an example of ourselves.”
The apparent inability of Boris “the boss” Johnson to protect the lucrative income top ups of his MPs has even led to speculation that the men in grey suits will be calling on him to stand aside and make way for someone who can.
“I wouldn’t print that,” the GRG spokesman says. “It’s inaccurate. By the time the fates have finished with old Bojo it’ll be the men in white suits who come to take him away.”
Gold plated crown toppling from his dyed haystack. Face beetroot red with incomprehension and fury. The scandals that never touched him suddenly reaching up their grey hands from the dirt around his feet.