A BIGGER BOY DUNNIT : 10 Downing Street isn’t letting the blame for the great stink of 2021 lap at its door. It’s in full flush mode.
While some unpatriotic naysayers always looking to talk the country down are suggesting that the political party that has been in power for the last 11 years, and 80 of the last 100, is responsible for the failing infrastructure of Broken Britain, the PM knows who is really to blame.
“The Victorians failed to plan for climate change, they failed to protect British farming against foreign imports and they failed to future proof the UK’s sewerage,” a 10 Downing Street spokesman explained.
And while it’s true that the water utilities were privatised under a Tory government in the 90’s, it’s not their fault as the Victorians did nothing to prevent obvious profiteering in the 20th and 21st centuries.
“To expect the great government of disaster capitalists to make civil minded business owners stop transferring profits and start investing in a crucial sector is to misunderstand modern vulture capitalism,” the source adds. “It’s exceptionally naive and you’re being very annoying by naming and shaming the bobbing turds of Johnson’s party on social media.”
The concerned public are not without hope though as the government is looking to solve the issue of mass pollution of U.K. waters in the same way as the cladding crisis.
“User pays is the best model,” the source shrugs, “you want clean water you better stump up for it. What choice do you have? And besides, the bloody EU made us clean up our beaches in the last century. So covering them in our own shit again has the strong whiff of sovereignty. It’s exactly what Brexit promised. Be proud of it.”