BREAD AND CIRCUSES : A source within 10 Downing Street has revealed the Conservative Party’s plan for helping millions of people adjust to the cuts to Universal Credit and increase in NI. The need to support the public is clear as soon even the food banks will be at breaking point.
“Boris Johnson is going to continue to act like an idiot,” the source reveals. “We’re confident that this will be sufficient to convince people choosing to skip lunch or dinner is the right choice. It’s worked so far. Although admittedly that has been in the long run up to dismantling the UK for asset strippers, turning what’s left into a parody of the 14th century and bringing back laws against the enticement of labour.”
Anyone who isn’t impressed by their Prime Minister messing about with fish and chips while their local school crashes and burns in the endless pandemic will find themselves swiftly corrected.
“If you think Mr Johnson accidentally throwing a custard pie into his face before walking blind into a lamp post and bouncing off only to fall down a pot hole isn’t a system of government then you are not very patriotic,” the source explains. “That’s what we will tell people.”
Further hijinks will be planned for the coming weeks as attempts to aggravate the EU to distract from the catastrophic failure of UK governance ramps up.
“We’ll be making some old school jokes about the French,” the source beams. “Don’t worry about that. We’ve got old Bonaparte on the run. The voters will be queueing up in anticipation”
Just like they currently do when there’s rumour of a drop of a fuel at a petrol station.