WASHING HANDS OF RESPONSIBILITY: The government has today denied that it has any responsibility to govern. Any individual having a problem with that should expect from Priti Patel’s heavies.
“People should look to family first, then community, then charity, then business, then Australia, and not come running cap in hand all the time,” stated government Minister for Doing Stuff, Bo Nidle. Rapturous applause from the audience, looking forward to another 52 weeks holiday this year. “The UK is a well-oiled machine.” Cheers from the well-oiled crowd. “It is up to individual choice how they govern themselves, the Nanny State has gone too far.” Mayhem, as audience members exercised Individual Choice to bray and holler and drink the bar dry.
Priti Patel drove home the point as only she can. “People expectin’ to be bailed out are wrong,” she screeched. “You’re all individuals, you can think for yourselves.” Her audience responded with a chorus of ‘Yes, we’re all individuals, we can think for ourselves.’ “Nobody wants the government interferin’ with their affairs. Anyone expectin’ us to do their hard work for them will be dealt with, severely. We will be turnin’ back the votes!”
But nobody typified the attitude better than Boris Johnson. “I used to like rules and regulations, you see,” he waffled. “So much so, that I decided, don’t you know, yes, no, well, you see, as it were, wiff waff, to make the rules, if you get my drift, make the rules work for me. But I’m bored now, I want to let someone else get on with the hard work, and that means you! Back to work, you lazy, feckless, useless British working classes, it’s your job to do stuff and it’s mine to sit around all day, drinking and shagging and talking bollocks, while drawing a massive salary!”
And if this doesn’t work out, well we all know who will take the blame.