DIG DEEP : The UK’s Prime Minister Boris Johnson has ramped up his promise of a better tomorrow by promising a much better next year.
Clearly with Brexit crises now gripping the United Kingdom daily it’s no longer feasible to promise tomorrow will be great, so the PM who caused the crises to occur has decided on a world beating public relations strategy of promising next year will be awesome. Even if today is appalling. Ignore the lack of food and fuel and medicine and prospect of things improving. Just look to next year after Christmas is saved.
“We will be reaching for the stars!” Mr Johnson will tell the country later today. “The millions we are plunging into fuel and food poverty will be able to look up and calculate how many school meals it cost to launch a rocket into space? How many nurses salaries will I waste just on feasibility studies alone? Before the entire thing is potentially abandoned.”
The decision to focus on outer space, rather than the problems overwhelming the country, will give everyone hope for a bright future.
“I will personally be aboard the first shuttle to go into orbit,” Mr Johnson will promise, in what will really inspire optimism about the future. “Global Britain is to become Galactic Britain when we become the first country to colonise another planet in our solar system.”
It is said Mr Johnson hopes to find life on the planet so he can colonise them while he’s at it, take their resources back to the UK and promise to build a railroad as payment.
But what planet the PM is aiming for is the really inspired part of the plan.
“We will be going to Uranus,” Mr Johnson will exalt. “Because that’s exactly where your head must be if you still believe I have any clue at all what I’m doing running the country.”