MONEY MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND : THE CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER IS BELIEVED TO BE BEHIND a new plan to end the constant sense of dread and anxiety which is “dampening” down the UK’s economic recovery.
Convincing sufficient numbers of people to pretend the pandemic has ended was a key initial step in the recovery. Operation “I’m alright Jack” has seen many return to living as normal in the hope it’ll just be people they don’t know who die prematurely. Unfortunately the impact of Brexit is causing completely unforeseen problems.
“Rishi has decided it’s time to completely re-engineer the economy,” a source close to the Chancellor says. “It was a bit of a surprise what happens when you take a deeply internationally interconnected industrially developed country and rip it out of reality. No one at all could have seen what Brexit would unleash. It’s all coming totally out of left field to the genius inheritance millionaires sensibly given command of the country.”
But that won’t stop them meeting the challenges they’ve created for all of us headfirst.
“Barter is the way forward. Just for the plebs you understand. Really. Anyone who doesn’t have offshore accounts will qualify for a new Good Egg scheme. Under the scheme people will be given an egg and instructed to go and trade it for another food commodity with a neighbour.”
It is felt returning the peasants to a subsistence lifestyle based on bartering will end concerns over fuel and sufficient numbers of workers for all sectors of the economy.
“So long as international businessman continue to invest money into London and buy property here no one has any concerns about the Conservatives’ economic policies. If you’re lucky you might be able to swap the egg for some flour and then you can combine forces to make a pancake. Which will be lovely.”
After the first egg has been successfully bartered the scheme will end but the need to barter to survive will remain.
*eggs to be made of non-biodegradable plastic and supplied by a Tory donor.