ROYAL SEAL CLAPPING : Queen Elizabeth II is set to be relieved of the range of duties she’s clearly too elderly or too disinterested to perform after Prime Minister Boris Johnson is crowned King in Somerset this week.
The decision to hold a coronation for the Prime Minister is said to be a “mere formality” to formalise the changes to the way the UK is governed, thanks to Brexit. Whether or not Mrs Johnson will also be crowned is a matter of intense debate within Downing Street, with rumours saying King Johnson is resisting the move because he doesn’t yet have a slogan ready to completely remove the aged monarch from the constitutional power structure.
The ceremony itself will draw on the deep and rich history of modern Britain with the prime minister being crowned and anointed while sitting in the cockpit of a Spitfire. The spitfire itself will be hung with hi vis Union Flag bunting for the event and a ring of Tory MPs run around it in a circle making machine gun noises.
“The coronation puts paid to the pathetic discussion over how much actual work the Prime Minister will do during his four day working holiday,” a 10 Downing Street spokesman told LCD Views. “The Prime Minister will have to sit still for several minutes while the holy oils are applied and anyone who knows the spoiled brat of British politics knows that’s work enough for a whole week.”
A lavish banquet will be held after the coronation with the army being brought in to ensure the supplies of champagne and caviar are not intercepted by the “marauding hordes of peasants rioting over food”.
While the holiday itself was a strong enough message to send to the nation that Mr Johnson sees himself as a sovereign and not an elected representative, the actual wearing of a crown will make the reality clear to anyone who hasn’t yet noticed.
After the coronation the new King will take a holiday to prepare himself to holiday when the next entirely foreseeable crisis strikes his kingdom.