KARMA POLICE : Catastrophic scenes across the United Kingdom this week as the tyrannical EU takes aim at the beating heart of Brexit cultural life by throttling beer supplies to Wetherspoons.
It’s not entirely clear why Tim Martin ever supported Brexit, given his business model, with the only viable working hypothesis being he figured it would allow the Tories to crush workers’ rights and corporate tax rates. Which is an understandable motivation of course and the rest of us can go to Hell. The personal blowback on Mr Martin won’t have been factored in, but then no one would have thought the EU would be so intractable regarding legal arrangements, given they need us more than we need them.
There is an understandable argument to bring the army in to secure beer supplies for the Brexit churches, but that alone may not be enough to stabilise the situation, given there’s not enough army after 11 years of thick as two planks Tory austerity.
“An expert in finding anything you like is called for,” a representative for Wetherspoons told LCD Views. “This is why we are seeking the assistance of Dido Harding. She famously ensured the pandemic in the U.K. was only the worst on Earth. She can find the beer.”
The budget for the stale ale track and trace system will be publicly funded, as using taxpayer cash to reward political allies is par for course for Johnson’s government.
“Whatever happens with beer supplies you can be guaranteed the involvement of Harding will ensure public cash ends up in the right coffers,” a 10 Downing Street source commented. “Mr Martin has one full support over this crisis no one could ever have foreseen.”