YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE RAAB TO WORK HERE BUT IT HELPS : The greatest foreign policy brain of the United Kingdom’s government is to sort Afghanistan out so he can get back on the beach. We speak of course of Dominic Raab.
It is not an overstatement to say the revelation that the Great British Public actually do care quite a lot about what happens to desperate people far away has taken the dominate Tory Party “completely by surprise”. Little reporting focused on the deal struck between Donald Trump and the Taliban, in what Mr Trump expected to be a foreign policy success story delivered in his second term in office. Even less attention was paid by UKIP MPs to their own government’s support for this deal either, because “everyone was distracted by the sovereignty and power delivered by Brexit” and “polishing their trophies”.
Now Mr Raab will have to go in and “sort it out”. It’s believed he will draw on the wealth of experience of the British in dealing with difficult foreign territories.
“He’s got a map and he’s got a pen,” an FCO source tells LCD Views. “After we’ve explained what the map is and taken the pen out of his nose he’ll have little trouble finding a solution for Afghanistan. He’ll just draw lines across the map wherever he likes and the energetic foreign chaps will adhere to it. It’s basically a repetition of Trump’s deal, but in a British hand. You’ll see that will make all the difference.”
What to do if the Taliban ignore the new arrangement and don’t stay in the zone Raab gifts them?
“Then we’ll bring out the big guns. Brexit Britain may not have much of an Armed Forces left after 11 years of Tory cuts and austerity, but we’ve still got Liz Truss. You just see how rapidly the Taliban fall back on the threat of no imports of cheese.”