RIDE ‘EM IN RIDE ‘EM OUT : The United Kingdom’s Brexit Government has received the attention of the world for its management of the transition from captive subject state of the tyrannical EU to fully sovereign, free trading powerhouse.
“We’ve all seen the optimistic photos of Brexit superstar Liz Truss standing next to the overheating photostat machine cut and pasting EU deals,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “There’s no trade agreement she can’t reproduce, on different terms. But where will we put the wealth of incoming goods you ask? Why in Kent of course.”
To that end the government sensibly carparked broad swathes of the garden of England last year, and the concrete is still pouring. The sky is lit at night and for many locals, it’s the Brexit they voted for.
“It stands to reason that once complete the Carpark of Kent will be one of the modern wonders of the world,” the source goes on. “Like a giant sovereignty cake, or flan, just a grey one, because it’s concrete. But a cake needs toppings! And the toppings have to be big.”
And the most appropriate toppings are of course bored truckers, going nowhere, earning nothing, with rotting produce in the back. But creating memories to last a life time.
“We’re driving forward a mass trucker recruitment drive so we can fill those carparks to the edges and over,” the source celebrates. “If you’ve passed your seventeenth birthday why not get involved? Learn to drive a massive lorry and then park it. And then wait. But we don’t want all those foreigners. This is a British enterprise. Get involved and park for Britain.”
The necessity of filling up the Inland Border Facilities, that changed the face of Kent, is obvious.
“It would be totally daft to have spent all that money, and ruined all that scenery in the service of resetting our trade to the 1970’s, not to then use the parks. What would the locals say?”
They might say that would be exceptionally Brexit.