NOW YOU SEE NO YOU DON’T : Residents of the little patriotic town of Bitchling Deacon, in Tory held NorthSouthWest Sussox, are to hold a bunting dressed ceremony later today to celebrate the next stage of Brexit.
The cause celeb is the local Tesco superstore which landed outside the town like a behemoth flying saucer in 2011, and eliminated all independent family food based businesses. Since then it has been the focal point of the community whose traditional industries include which burning and the immolation of other words which indicate choices.
Local dignitaries are expected to attend the ceremony which will involve the regional Conservative Party chairman beating himself in the face with a brick, before he presses the button to lower the upbeat, silver cardboard superstructure in place.
Quite what the town will do for food after the empty store is hidden from view behind the massive structure isn’t yet clear, but industry experts suggest they are ahead of an important National curve.
“The hiding of the superstore will allow the locals of Little Bitchling to get a head start in the vital post Brexit industries of hunting and foraging,” Mr Spaffcox commented, “and cannibalism. If they hone their skills early they’ll have a distinct advantage over neighbouring tribes and will have full bellies until Priti Patel is placed into a medical coma and the end of FOM reversed.”
The ceremony itself is open to all but attendees are encouraged to attend maskless and huddle so the other great Conservative project, using the pandemic to conceal Brexit supply chain issues, can continue unabated.