BORRIENATION STREET : 10 DOWNING STREET LEAKS suggest today that the viral Prime Minister and his former mistress are concerned their nuptials may not distract U.K. press for longer than a few days.
”The last thing we need is everyone going back to reporting on Cummings stating the bleeding obvious about the catastrophic mismanagement of the pandemic,” a make believe scribbled note seen by media reads.
“Or Brexit. We can’t have people talking about Kent and the climate change disaster that it now is being full of idling trucks and floodlit 24/7. Never mind how we’re effectively paying the fishermen to be silent. Farmers next. Then hauliers. How much will it cost to shut up the country sector by sector? More than a shiny new boat.”
Obviously the priority is that everyone is happy so that Mr Johnson and his current wife can enjoy some much needed rest after the rushed wedding.
“We’re considering triggering the mass distraction contingency planning. Demolishing the Houses of Parliament to make way for a coliseum will buy a few days grace. This will lead to radical criminal justice reforms as the sentence for every crime will become gladiatorial combat. Maybe also a second miracle birth for Carrie. We got away with the first one. Happily there’s a few to choose from. I personally favour staging the Churchill shrine weeping blue, white and red tears.”
It’s not yet clear which path will be chosen. The decision is likely to be too late and last minute as that concentrates attention on Mr Johnson.
“The key point to remember is not 150,000 avoidable dead. It’s that the prime minister is no more and no less than a celebrity newspaper columnist. As long as we’re all focused on his preventable disasters than in his mind he’s a success.”