FOOD FOR THE SOUL : The Department of Education is run by a steady hand, a single farseeing eye and a brisk awareness of the needs of the nation’s children. It’s just as well too or they may grow up well fed physically on the firm vegetables raised in British soil, but lacking some conditioning of the spirit.
“It’s all very well having the children’s curriculum focused predominantly on WW2 but that only covers geography. What about their minds? Their souls? What will they be nourished on?” a Department for Education insider told LCD Views. “Gav didn’t become the fourth best fireplace salesman for the month of February 2001 in the hamlet of Token by ignoring the importance of symbolism in retail.”
Happily the experience our world beating Education Secretary gained in the rough and tumble hellscape of selling domestic appliances is now being brought to bear full time on the education of our children.
“WW2 showed us the importance of flags to a vigorous and expansive regime. The more flags the bigger the regime. It’s not rocket science. So he’s made some personal modifications to the units on needs v wants that all young minds must absorb.”
The change is quite simple, but invigorating.
“Flags now come at the top of the pyramid of needs. In particular the Union Flag, as no one needs any other flag to be truly healthy and secure. Feed your soul and your flesh will take care of itself. That’s why we want to do away with school meals for the underprivileged. It distracts them from flags. Underneath flags in the pyramid he has added ‘more flags’. Something of a masterstroke if you ask me. In fact it’s flags, flags, flags all the way down.”
The revised curriculum will be taught immediately and children will be required to draw a Union Flag each time they ask to go to the toilet.
“Once these new changes have taken affect we will also bring in a revision to English classes. All invasive foreign words will be stripped out of English until we are left with the proper mother tongue which arose as if by magic out of England’s green and pleasant landscape. Anglo-Saxon.”