Once more unto the ballot box, my friends? Why? Haven’t we had enough of elections? Although the eternal threat of a Labour government will not rear its ugly head again until 2024, it is perhaps time to head it off now, while there is still the opportunity to do so.
History has shown that, when ordinary people are involved in any kind of decision-making, that the results are deplorable. This country only won The Crusades because the King was able to act decisively. What would have happened if His subjects had been polled? The results would still be being counted, and Johnny Foreigner would have won, and we would all be going to Mosques, not churches.
Our government, incidentally the best ever in my view, has got some serious work to do, to overcome covid single-handedly, and to make Brexit the roaring success it deserves to be. These are long term ambitions, and the government responsible should not become distracted with endlessly justifying its existence.
But Boris Johnson, alas, cannot continue indefinitely. As time catches up with him, a successor will have to be named. Let me propose, here and now, that the Rule Of Succession should be hereditary. The eldest acknowledged child of the Prime Minister should assume command upon the death or retirement of his father. The Johnson dynasty should be established as soon as possible. His profligate procreativity should guarantee that successors will be found for many years to come.
This will remove uncertainty, and restore the Glorie of Merrie Englande. Johnson’s achievements are already legendary. He has built more bridges than Telford, fathered more children than Casanova, and given away more money than any man in history. This is philanthropy at its finest, and not spaffing money up the wall as his detractors claim.
His achievements must be recognised. A statue is in order, and there must be no expense spared on it. And it’s also time that his miserable stipend should be increased to reflect his preeminence.