SUNLIT UPLANDS: Brexit is done, we are in the promised land, business is booming, the NHS is getting loads of extra dosh. So, if everything in the garden is rosy, why is the government so keen to remove the right to protest?
“There is literally nothing to protest about,” said everyman Manon de Street. “The only one still protesting is that one chap who still loves the EU, even though we left democratically and everything is much better now.”
De Street wasn’t the only person utterly confused by the surprise move by the Home Office.
“To be honest, things have never looked better,” claimed everywoman Lauren Twerself. “I’m already planning local street parties to celebrate our British Fish, British wind, and British ice cubes from Norway, just as soon as covid is done. It won’t be long now, I get instant updates thanks to the 5G chip in the vaccine!”
LCD Views naturally contacted Priti Patel’s office for an official explanation.
“Since there is no need to protest in public, ever again, it seemed a good time to slip this legislation under the radar,” said spokesman Litta Lyer. “We are in permanent paradise. Therefore any protests would be fake. This is a public order issue, and we are ordering the public to shut up.”
The right, now the obligation, to remain silent. That is democracy of course.
“We have now won the War on Woke,” continued Lyer. “The public must respect this, and go back to sleep. It is not their business to question us!”
And why would anyone question such a benevolent regime? Money now literally grows on trees, at least if you support the government it does.
And with the penalty for defacing the statue of a slave trader now set at ten years, our history is safe.
Everything is wonderful. Pour yourself another glass of British champagne!