3D PRINTING IS THE FUTURE OF BRITISH FOOD : Great news today with the announcement that nerds have finally done something useful.
“Using the latest whiz bang technology of 3D printing government spokesman Andrew Neil is finally going to get his interview with Boris Johnson,” a representative of the Jetson Institute for Futurism told LCD Views, “not many know this, but during last year’s general election campaign Boris Johnson famously ducked an interview with Andrew Neil, although no one has yet worked out why. But that miss burned with the red faced stalwart of BBC political chat shows. Now with our help Mr Neil is going to get his way.”
And get his way he will in a studio that will also be specially printed for the day.
“Not just the studio and the interviewee. The questions are also going to be printed as giant Lego like blocks and assembled by a coterie of blonde women so Mr Johnson pays attention and doesn’t hide. There are minor health and safety concerns with this choice, but we feel the spectacle of the prime minister chasing the questions around the plastic studio will be fantastic. You can be sure he won’t be hiding, but he maybe ducking and diving!”
And once the interview is in the can it will be broadcast to an eager nation on a specially printed, plastic antenna so plastic patriots can watch it on plastic printed, British 3D TV’s!
“This interview will spell the end of the need for complex, cross border trade networks. If you can magically print a hard hitting interview with a famous recluse, what can’t you print?”
Except for food, basic decency, accountability, pharmaceuticals, aviation, The Intelligence Report into Russian Interference, the Arcuri Inquiry, clothing, genome sequences of avian flu varieties, a passport that is more than a name tag and a few other things. Like sovereignty and border control.
“And even better, the 3D printed Johnson can have all its rough edges sanded off and stored for future use.”
For example?
“The next time half the country is flooded, but Bojo fancies a week off, the plastic Johnson can float down all the streams.”
Take that Europe! We’re not embracing 3D printing because the people driving Brexit are too blithe and stupid and lazy to bother negotiating a trade deal with our biggest market, we’re doing it because plastic is fantastic! And patriots love plastic. We definitely not doing it in the service of the disaster capitalism project such headlines are intended to conceal.