STOP AT NOTHING : Excellent and accurate results from the country’s favourite search engine today with any search for the Conservative Party GE2019 manifesto taking searchers to the correct website.
“I wanted to know what price they’d be charging Donald Trump for the NHS so I decided to look for their campaign manifesto,” Mrs Ord Inary of Knockersknee (a Conservative target seat) told LCD Views, “so I went to Goggle and typed in Tory Party election manifesto 2019.”
The search resulted in Crimestoppers coming out top of the search results, followed by Taxdodges4U and TheTruthisDover.
“It was a funny kind of manifesto as it lists first off all the sitting and recently stood down Tory MPs and the relevant fiscal or sexual harassment crimes,” Mrs Inary-Citizen revealed, “it then goes on to table the various acts sitting cabinet ministers were fired from cabinet over in the previous years.”
But that’s not all?
“No it’s not. What follows is a lengthy listing of the lies told during the E.U. referendum campaign, the vested offshore money interests behind it and lastly, how many people have been adversely impacted by Universal Credit and Iain Duncan Smith in general. Oh and a bonus feature showing how privatisation has cost the country billions and caused misery for voters. It’s a fantastical prospectus.”
But what about MPs and their links to electoral crimes? And all the appalling, democracy destroying cons the Cons are currently running? Seeing as they can’t run on their record in government?
“Oh, the site says it’s under construction, an entire separate website. It’s going to be massive. Your honour.”
Crimestoppers adds a further note that if you or any of your family see a Conservative parliamentary candidate in your neighbourhood today, you should immediately seek shelter and call the relevant authorities.